


Hope

by Lafaiette



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 08:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2844017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafaiette/pseuds/Lafaiette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She fights just to focus on something else, on something that isn’t the rock they sat on during a break or the sound of his laughter echoing in the dunes of the Hissing Wastes. She fights to be deaf and blind, just for a little bit.</p><p>Solas left and everything in the world reminds Lavellan of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Short drabble set after the ending. Based on how difficult playing the game is after Solas left. Because, really. I almost can’t play it anymore now that he is not in the group, it’s so painful. 
> 
> I wish you all joyful and beautiful holidays! <3

Everything reminds her of him. The path just outside the walls of Redcliffe, where he commented about the Veil. The glowing artifacts scattered across Thedas that she clumsily activated after he sensed their presence. The scorching sun and the unbearable heat in the Western Approach, the tall, majestic trees in the Emerald Graves, the market of Val Royeaux where he mentioned the frilly cakes.

Everything has his face, everything possesses his voice, his thoughts, his advices, his conversations. He haunts her, the whole world screams of him, and Lavellan cannot cover her ears, her eyes, and pretend to be deaf and blind. There is so much to do, even after Corypheus’ defeat - _especially_ after Corypheus’ defeat. She is not the huntress of a Dalish clan anymore; she is the Inquisitor now and her status is more important and influential than ever.

There are still small rifts to close, dragons to kill, political situations to control and guide, place to visit and protect. She has to be strong, stronger than before so that their newly acquired power isn’t snatched right from under their noses. Even though she wants to hide in her quarters all day and stare at the sky to think, cry, _understand_ , she can’t.

Travelling, fighting, exploring with her friends distract her, but only partially. It would so much easier if every single thing didn’t make her think about him.

But he was always with her, in every mission, in every exploration, in every danger. With his wisdom, knowledge, reassuring presence, comments and - in the tent at night - touches and smiles.

The others know it’s difficult. They see how much suffering and sadness she holds back, they notice the straight line of her mouth when they pass next to already charted ruins or known caves.

Cole offered his help - _"I could take the pain away”_ -, but she refused with a horrified gasp, shaking her head and stumbling back, almost afraid to touch him. Then, after taking in a deep breath and calming down, she hurried to explain with a shaky smile that she preferred to remember.

“ _The pain”_ she told him _"is worth it. I don’t want to forget him."_

_(Because he could come back.)_

Cole never asked again.  
  
  
She fights without recklessness, despite the burning ache in her chest, the _hole_ carved in her heart. There is despair in her moves, though, and she knows she probably lost a part of the gracefulness he mentioned at Haven, in a so far away time, in a so far away life.

She fights just to focus on something else, on something that isn’t the rock they sat on during a break or the sound of his laughter echoing in the dunes of the Hissing Wastes. She fights to be deaf and blind, just for a little bit.

But her heart, her mind, her whole being are focused on _him_ , even when she pretends the opposite. She realizes it one day while fighting one of the dragons threatening the delicate peace at Emprise du Lion.

She sees the beast, she hears its roar, she feels its wild energy and magic flowing into the ground, right into her bones. She dodges its flames, rolling on the snow, but she cannot evade a last ball of fire aimed right at her.

It doesn’t matter, she calmly thinks. Just like she expected, a barrier envelopes her, reducing considerably the amount of pain and damage on her skin. It happened before, it _always_ happened; it’s almost a rule, a fact, a ritual. A barrier always protects her, before, during and sometimes even after a battle, just to be safe.

She smiles when a firm and gentle hand grasps her arm, helping her to rise.

"Thank you, Solas." she says before she can focus again on _reality_ , on what really is and not what she hopes it is. She gasps, pale, while Dorian’s eyes fill with surprise, which slowly turns into worry. He tries to hide it with fake annoyance, but Lavellan is already looking away, at the carcass of the dragon that Bull and Varric have finally killed. They are staring at her; they see the badly-hidden pain, the twitching lips, her soft, glossy gaze and quickly pretend to study the dragon’s corpse to find interesting stuff.

As she walks over to them, forcing a smile on her face, putting on the mask of the strong, reliable Inquisitor, she wonders if she will ever say those words again. She wonders why she still tries to understand, why she always insists to travel and explore even though they basically explored everything. She wonders why she can’t seem to move on, to give up to resignation and accept the pain.

Wolves howl in the distance and she stops for a moment, listening intently. She remembers his answer to Cole, his opinion of those strong, glorious, often misunderstood animals, and the sound doesn’t carry a bad omen nor danger. It’s melodious, it’s a song, an answer, it’s hope and she suddenly realizes, she fully and completely realizes.

_Because he will come back._

So it’s with hope in her heart, burning bright like a sun, that she heads to the dragon, her spirit at ease, her eyes open, her ears ready to hear his voice again.


End file.
